proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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