I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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