I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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