Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
