I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
