Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
