:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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