i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
