Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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