Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
