shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
