she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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