Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
