I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
