i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
