Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
