FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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