i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
