I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
