i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
