I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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