I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
