I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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