Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
