why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
