never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
