You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
