Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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