just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
