Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
