no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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