He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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