It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
