i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
