the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
