What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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