I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
