I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i think i just lost a toe
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
