She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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