thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
