Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My cat gives me a boner
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize