How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
