so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
