trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
