This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
