I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
