I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
