After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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