I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize