She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
