i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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