I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
