I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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