So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We had sex on a dog bed..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
