At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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