I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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