cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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