I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My hand turned me down
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize