Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just pynch a tree in the face
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
