just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I deserve this hangover.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
