Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
