and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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