I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
