I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
