I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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