This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
