dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
