she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
