nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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