he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
