just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
