my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
