my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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