I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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