that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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