there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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