I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
