they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize