No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
