They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
